Scrying off the Emails

Image: I Told You So from http://www.jigboxx.com.

Ha! My most recent rant couldn’t have been better timed (That’s True for All Times/19th April 2007). What’s that you say? How flattering. No. No, I’m not a prophet. Just take a look at this forward I got. Not only is crime rife in the the capital, but the criminals are more brazen than ever – they rob people in broad daylight. The night crusaders of old have evolved into a highly sophisticated operation that no longer needs to hide under cover of darkness! And in Central London, no less. Phah! Run for the hills, I say. Adopt a countenance of paranoia and run for the hills.

No don’t; don’t be silly. Just be careful. And invest in a nice big pair of scandal shades – and possibly a portable music player. Never mind that you’ll look like the architypal 21st century consumer – apparently, these accoutruments make it harder for goons to distract your attention. Although, wait a minute…if you do insist on plugging up your consciousness with some noise or other, so that you can’t even hear your phone ring, how do you expect to notice when the goons are dancing at your elbow? Eh?

At the risk of sounding totally mean (which I’m not, by the way) I think that Londoners should use a bit more common sense. Yeah, yeah, so you’re a career girl at large in the capital, but for goodness sake! Don’t stand around juggling a sandwich, yakking on your daytime contract to your friend in Notts with your bag gaping and all your other shiny consumer electronics glinting in the sunshine! If you do this, you will get robbed!! Be observant, and consider the fact that a guy checking you out might be doing so to see what he can nick off you. So stop flicking your hair and elongating the ‘this is me drawing lots of cash from the ATM’ pose. You get the cash, you stash the cash, then you leave.

Ok. Now read the email. x



From: Withheld for obvious reasons

Sent: 17 April 2007 at 14:31

To: Everyone

Subject: FW: Warning: women being targeted at central London cash points

Just as a quick warning to you - I just got assaulted at an HSBC cashpoint in Hanover Sq at lunchtime (broad daylight, with a queue behind me) and £200 was taken from my account. Turns out there's a gang of very smart Romanians (in my case it was 2 guys and a girl) who are posing as free-newspaper-giver-outers - they waited until i'd keyed in my pin and hit the 'Get Cash' option before coming up from both sides, jostling me and thrusting their newspapers at me and trying to persuade me to take one. Behind the papers, the guy on my left hit the £200 button and the girl on the right grabbed the cash - they were so fast that no one in the queue even saw them take it, and just assumed they were harrassing me to take a paper (my card got returned to me out of the machine). It was only when I went into the bank to tell them there were people harrassing cashpoint users and to double check they hadn't taken any cash that we realised. Went to the police and it turns out they've been targeting women around Mayfair and Goodge St and elsewhere around Oxford Circus with a huge number of incidents in the past couple of weeks - all in broad daylight and in very open places, and always taking £200. The advice is to use cash machines inside banks or get cashback if you're in these areas."

© April 2007