When I lived in London, I spent a lot of my time explaining to people why I thought it was ridiculous that they were always asking for random stuff to be brought for them to Lagos. I could not for the life of me understand why I was always being asked to take this, carry that, pack this, buy that. And these requests seemed to come to a crescendo at times like Christmas and Easter when I was coming home.
I am now 10 months into my Lagos life and I am finally running low on all the stocks I brought out with me. I have found various little treasure troves around the place that carry alright products, but there are some things which you just cannot get here and I am longing for a walk down the high street and a little shopping spree.
Over this long weekend, I have an Aunt going to the UK and a work colleague going to the U. S. And I am ashamed to say that I have become one of those people. I have resisted sending anyone for anything or asking anyone for anything for the last few months, but this week, I became alarmingly aware that I am scraping the bottom of my little jar of night cream, and I am just running low on all my little treats, so they were both duly packed off with the appropriate currencies, showered with profuse thanks in advance, and given detailed lists on what to get, where to get it, and substitutes if my first choice wasn't available.
Just for laughs, I thought I'd share what I've asked for. It is so sad, that my happiness for the next month is attached to this list. Well, partially. I have a list of books I want from Waterstones and Amazon but I just haven't found a mule way of getting them here yet. So for now, this is it...
MAC Morange Lipstick
Nars Semi-Matte Morocco Lipstick
Kiehl's Creme de Corps Soy Milk & Honey Whipped Body Butter
Kiehl's Superbly Restorative Argan Body Lotion
Karl Lagerfeld for Shu Umuera Red Nail Polish
Illamasqua Libido Blusher
Essie Ridge Filler and Base Coat
Muji Scented Candles
Rimmel 3-in-1 Base & Top Coat
Superdrug Natural High Night Cream
So I am trying to deal with my excitement, because come Monday, I will be united with my new friends. I can't believe I have become one of those people. Lord help me! But I know I'm not the only one. What's on your wish list? What have you got recently?
About a week ago, I was scrolling through Twitter, in search of some mindless hilarity (as you do) and became aware very quickly that something was afoot. You know when the Tweetmosphere is abuzz with something but you're not sure what? Everyone is talking, jokes are being cracked, and you suddenly notice that there is a theme surrounding all the #hashtagged words? This was one of those times.
All I could see was #UpperCut this and #uppercut that and so on. So I delved into the story a bit more and found out that a girl in Cleveland, Ohio had been decked under the chin by a bus driver because she was rude to him and slapped him. Now reading those tweets, it actually sounded funny. I imagined a situation where she was perhaps being a pest and he brushed her off, kind of like when there are flies buzzing round your head and you are so tired of swatting that you wave them away without any particular conviction. That's what I pictured because all the tweets I saw, from both men and women, were finding this video hilarious.
At the time, I didn't feel the need to go check the video out for myself because it just seemed like a bother. But then this evening, I was thinking about opinions in general and how they are formed. How do you come to believe what you believe and how do you stand up for it? I realised that these days it is so easy to assimilate other people's views and begin to think they are your own, because those views are just out there, taken for granted, made into the mainstream. The only voice of reason I came across on the whole of Twitter, was @miafarradaily where she referred to the Upper Cut as 'battery'. At the time, I must admit, her comment seemed a bit odd and churlish, in the face of so much laughing and jesting. Can you imagine? Around when it happened, I remember laughing to another friend about the #UpperCut cartoons cropping up in Twitter. He got very stern and said could I please stop talking to him about it because anything that involved men hitting women, by default was unfunny to him, no matter how hilarious people claimed it was. Those still small voices of reason, isolated as they were then in the sea of tomfoolery, planted a seed and ultimately brought me to my senses. Tonight, I decided to find out what really happened by watching the video.
I was in two minds as to whether to post this video because I don't want to promote or give it any publicity whatsoever, but I think it is important for you to see it. To see how DISGUSTING it is.
Because I heard all over the internet it was funny, I just took that to be the case. The fact is this is not funny at all. This man could have killed her. Look at the sheer might he came down with, before dragging her bodily out of the bus and dumping her on the road, and then chucking her bags on top of her. I am the first to admit that she should never have hit him. She was wrong, very wrong; and is obviously a badly raised, ratchet, ghetto hoodrat. She obviously has no respect and no home training. I admit that. But he was more wrong. Did what she did warrant that level of abuse? I am not saying it would be OK if he shoved her. I do not agree with fighting and physical abuse going wither way, but my goodness, he gave her a pummeling. Her whole throat is going to be hurting for a long, long time.
Watching that video, I realised that this man has probably beaten many women before, and he probably enjoys it. Yes he was aggravated, but he was so swift to react and his beating was so accurately placed, that you can tell he knows exactly where it hurts. He knocked the wind out of her. She went limp. And then he threw her out from the height of the staircase onto the pavement. That man would have beaten her for less. He was a time bomb waiting to explode.
It is chilling to see the comments about the video on YouTube. Coupled with the comments I saw on Twitter, I realised that most people are OK with this. Most people find this funny. But actually, it is not funny. It is not funny at all. It is disgusting and distressing all at the same time. How are we here? Where men deck women across the face in public and everyone is OK with it. How does an older man whom you assume has seen her type before, and whom should really know by now to have ignored her, get so emotionally involved in the situation that he leaps out of his chair to box her? This is what they call #chopknuckle and not in the good way. This was not friendly, this was dastardly.
And this is not the only Big Slap we've had recently either. Who remembers this phrase, ('Slep me neuw. Slep me neuw beeetch')? That's from the most recent Big Brother Africa series, where a guy slapped a girl. Again, without wishing to promote violence on this blog, I had to post the video.
This is the second example we have in recent weeks where men have beaten women in front of the camera. Again, I admit she should not have gotten all up in his face, but boy, was his response crazy. I worry now that we have a generation of people, and especially MEN, the supposedly stronger, calmer, less reactive sex who have no self-control and no restraint. Men who are so volatile that all it takes is 1 bad woman out of 100 good ones they must meet in the course of daily life to send them over the edge of violence.
It is a problem, and I don't find it funny. Seeing this stuff desensitises you to it, and I worry about the already wayward generation coming up. By the time they've seen enough of this wanton violence on TV, will they begin to think it's acceptable behaviour. Will they think it is normal? Will they start to hit girls?
Your thoughts and 2 cents are very welcome. If you have read this post and are now struggling with your definition of what's funny and what isn't, I have posted a third video for you. This is definitely funny, because the person whose expense the jokes are at is the same person who posted it on YouTube. So we are laughing with her, not at her. Start at 1:35 and watch it to the end. Enjoy...
I decided that today I would share a poem I wrote a few months ago. I plead with you not to be alarmed. I am not considering popping myself off. I wrote it in July, about 6 months after I moved back to Lagos and I was struggling with the constant noise and general stress. All I wanted was a moments peace and quiet but I couldn't get it so I decided to write a poem instead and this is what came out. It is actually meant to be funny, might I add. It is dark humour, so laugh!
Bright lights big city
Sad life, grief, pity
Lagos, unexpectedly
Saves us from tragedy
Gnarled souls who hanker
For a high speed train
Under which to end the pain
Damfoes not fast enough
No bona fide fast lanes
Butt to butt traffic,
Never ending pedestrian campaign
Third mainland is not guaranteed
The chicken driver may brake
Sapele boatmen beneath may break your fall
From a "minor slip, a mistake"
The emzor may be chalk,
And bring you round to rescue
Having dreamt of having died
Waking dry eyed to your mother's cries.
Prayer warriors loom large
Ready to do battle on your behalf
Arise arise arise!
Interrupting your peaceful demise.
*
Damn the lack of infrastructure
So restrictive in its absence
Forcing the tired to keep on trucking
In stressful, unfruitful yearning
For that last beautiful deer in the headlights terror
That finally signals the end
Bright lights, big city
Not a hope of suicide in Las Gidi.
I've had the most delightful weekend - the kind I haven't had in a while. I've done precious nothing, seen precious no-one. Well actually, I haven't done nothing. I've done a lot of stuff I've been meaning to do for a while. Apart from a super quick emergency visit to Cold Stone at 10pm last night, I haven't left the house.
This afternoon, I randomly ended up on the TED Talks website watching videos, and I came across two that I really enjoyed that I would like to share with you.
The Power of Introverts - Susan Cain
The reason I find this interesting is I have always know what a part of me is actually quite introverted. And this weekend proves that. I like to retreat into my quiet corner from time to time just to think and be alive and unstimulated by external noise. I have had a series of inspiring insights and epiphanies this weekend because I've been able to have this time to myself and this is something that Susan, being an introvert herself, acknowledges. There is a place for introverts in the world because they posses qualities that the world needs for balance, yet everything in our modern world is geared to cater to extroverts and encourage extroversion as the established social norm. People disbelieve me when I say this, because they assume I am a complete social butterfly, all out there. But I'm not always. I have a few moments of being out there and then I want my equilibrium back. The irony of life is that this video found me today, confirming what I have been thinking - that I must do this me-time again more often. Anyway, let me know what you think. Are you an introvert or an extrovert, or somewhere in the middle like me? I really have a lot of respect for this lady. You can tell how awkward it was for her to get up in front of all those people. I would be bricking it.
Embracing Otherness, Embracing Myself - Thandie Newton
I liked this because I understand the feeling of otherness. We all feel it in different ways, because our life experiences are different, and so are all the things that amount to inclusion in any society or group but it is the same emotion we tap into - that feeling of not being real, and not really counting. Thandie talks about being a black atheist kid in a white catholic school as the genesis of her feelings of otherness. She explains how she began dancing and performing to escape the horrible extended state of discomfiture that was her normal life, and how she found stability and meaning by losing herself in the motion and the movement. Her ideas on one's sense of self, and the need to almost shun our cognitive selves in order to plug back into our visceral consciousness that are more real may not appeal to everyone but are certainly worth thinking about. Is this just the coping strategy of a broken woman, or a valid, prescriptive way to live? You decide, but I really enjoyed this video. I've never really seen or heard her speak outside a movie and I'm really impressed with how articulate and expressive and emotionally intelligent she is. She's a very clear thinker, and an incredibly smart woman. She definitely has a new fan.
What do you think of these? What do you make of their assertions?
Author-in-the-making, fiction enthusiast, one time gymnast\kickboxer/bellydancer\rugby player, creator of handmade jewellery, conceiver of fusion recipes, aggresive exterminator of germs, believer in retail therapy, appreciator of melancholy, lover of night, generator of ideas, observer of people, part time agony aunt, rational hedonist, persistent brooder, cosmetic mixologist, incompetent singer, purveyor of contingencies. Would you like fries with that?
