Friday 21 September 2012

Dishonourable Plaque





I don’t approve of the slave trade, obviously, but I do agree with ONE of the assumptions they worked on. I’ll tell you what that is. When slave masters went out to buy new slaves, they would always inspect their purchase’s teeth and the better the teeth, the more they were willing to pay. Good dentition equaled a good buy, because it apparently it was a good health indicator.

I agree very much with this sentiment now. I mean, let’s be clear; I am not in the business of buying or selling slaves, but I do look very closely at people’s teeth, and I form opinions about them based on what I see. Who else does this? Hands up. Surely, I can’t be the only one.

This week has been particularly challenging because I have noticed, in conversation with various people, ridges of plaque wedged into their gum line. What distresses me is I have been noticing this on people whom I previously esteemed to have good personal hygiene. Being observant is a curse, and when coupled with a keen sense of smell, like it is with me, life is altogether a bit more difficult. I now know the smell of plaque a bit too well, and I wish I didn’t.

When mouths hang open in laughter over a shared joke, that high, ever so slightly tangy smell of fermentation just wafts out, and you know for absolute certain that the smell is attributable to those defiant little mounds of yellow hugging your friend’s molars. I really wish this weren’t the case because it is deeply embarrassing, on the person’s behalf.

Because it just tells me that you don’t brush your teeth very carefully. And whether you are my boss, or my friend, or a stranger I just met, I despair of you. Brushing one’s teeth is one of the most refreshing activities in the world, and I simply cannot understand why or indeed HOW people are not embarrassed to wear their dental negligence like a badge of honour.

Last time I checked, toothpaste and good, firm toothbrushes were available at all good supermarkets, and failing that, there’s always the idea of using the point of a pin to scrape the offending matter off your pearlies. Ladies and gents, please let’s do better. Inspect your teeth today and stop working so hard to remain in the ‘tufiakwa – unkissable’ category. This goes for both the ladies and the gents. If someone gets way up close and then changes their mind, then you have a fair idea why.

Thank me later.

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